All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
