i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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