My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
