Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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