Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
