Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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