it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
