he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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