I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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