I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
His hands were made for my vagina.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
