i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Drunk is a universal language darling
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
