I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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