allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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