White coat. Heels.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
