he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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