I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
