I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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