it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I enjoy the company of your penis
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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