Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
