She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
