dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
