Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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