I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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