Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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