This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I have demons in me.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
