He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
that may or may not have been my penis.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
