Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
