The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
