apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
