Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
