you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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