You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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