You smell like a Billy Joel song
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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