No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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