Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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