If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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