the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
