I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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