Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
