matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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