i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Randomize
