Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
