I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
