At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
