He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
