I heard we made out
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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