is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
