my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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