would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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