I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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